She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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