I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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