I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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