I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm too high and old for this...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
