I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
