She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
