you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
