WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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