is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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