So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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