Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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