Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
