I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize