You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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