I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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