i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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