Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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