I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
