how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
