Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
