i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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