You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
pop tarts are not kleenex
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
