I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
