I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
