I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
