Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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