Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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