if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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