I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
