did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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