It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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