so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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