i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
