I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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