Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
