the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
