Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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