help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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