In the future we'll all be gay
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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