so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
