I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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