you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
