just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
