We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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