If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
