You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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