Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
