We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
