Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
