I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
