I wish I could punch you in the face.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize