Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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