No awkward lesbian experiences without me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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