once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
