He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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