So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
