I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
of course. lets lasso hookers.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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