This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
