if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
