What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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