Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
