don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
