i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
