We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
