HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
