Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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