I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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