i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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