Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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