On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
