the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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