make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
