They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
