I just saw a hot homeless man
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
