Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize