Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
