I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just pee around me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
