this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
