Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
