youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize