I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
