does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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