dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
